Talked to mom quite a bit today about the future. How I want it all to go, where I want to be, etc. I just want it all the same and different at the same time. I miss my friends, miss my life, miss being ahead on bills, with extra cash to play with. Seems so long since I’ve had that. I miss not worrying. But what I would like is… a new place, updated; that I can decorate and live quietly with my puppy. I would like to have all my debt paid off, a great job at a fabulous salon, spending time with friends, and being happy. I just want to be happy. I want happiness with my life. It doesn’t need to be perfect, I can live with imperfections… but happiness is what I don’t want to live without.
I feel completely content today. I just set up a savings account with U Promise for my nephews. I’m feeling quite hopeful about things. Dare I say, happy?? Shhh… don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to jinx it. For the first time in a long time, I feel like thinigs are going how they’re supposed to. I start school in 25 days!! Ahhh!! Scared, nervous, excited, happy, so many things. This passed year has made me realize alot of things by myself. I think it made alot of people around me realize alot of things too. I am determined, hard working, I WILL always land on my feet. I WILL get to the places I want to be. I will do the things I say. I will keep the promises I made to myself. I can’t wait for the changes in this next year. I have SO many things to look forward to.
I can do this… I can figure this out. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I’ve got til December 1st now. That’s two months. I can do this. I want this bad enough. I want this now. Yessss. I want it.
But mostly I need some time away. a break from babysitting/nannying so much. 6 days a week for about 11-12 hours is alot. But I gotta save that money. I’ve got to figure things out.